Sampras Vs. Federer

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

All this nonsensical comparison must stop now. People cannot keep saying that Federer is the greatest that lived, etc... From Bjorn Borg to Pete Sampras to Roger Federer there are huge time gaps. So the techniques and technologies have changed a lot and one cannot say that one is greater than the other purely based on direct comparison of results!!! Results are but a statistic. People need to dig deeper and even then they will find (or should find...) it difficult to compare.

I cannot claim to know much about Borg so I will skip him, but Pete Sampras I know and followed avidly. I was not his biggest fan in the beginning but was forced to respect him and his tenacity and power and technique early on. I grew into a fan. While I also like Federer as a player and enjoy watching him play, I can honestly say that I don't think there is a clear cut winner here.

When assessing someone's results in a competetive environment, one must take into consideration the opposition. Federer has been on top of the tennis world for the better part of the past 7 years with 3 of those being without much competition (Nadal only came to prominence in 2005 and even then, only on Clay). Of the names playing in the tennis world today many fail to resonate with the exception of maybe Nadal and Djokovic coming alongside Federer. Occasional honorable mentions from Marat Safin and Andy Roddick and the likes have been few and far between. Now let's take a look at Sampras's career. He won his first grand slam in 1990 and retired on top of his game in 2002 (that's 13 years competing in the big time! (while he pro career started in 1988)). In those years he battled with names like: Stefan Edberg, Boris Becker, Goran Ivanisevic, Michael Chang, Michael Stich, Serguei Brugera, Thomas Muster, Llayton Hewitt, and we cannot forget his epic battles with Jim Courrier and Andre Agassi. It was a time when the top 10 were really the top 10 and any of them could win a grand slam.

One cannot ignore that and jump to the simple conclusion that Federer is better than Sampras. They're both great players in their own right, but Federer, even if he wins his 15th Grand Slam, must realize that he might have the greatest results in the history of tennis, but that doesn't make him the greatest that ever lived. Certainly one of the greatest, without a doubt, but he does NOT reign supreme.

This is it ... An Obituary

As some people who know me might know, I'm rarely at a loss for words. Starting to write this, I didn't know where to start. So, after some thought, here goes...

Fast Forward to July 13th 2009. The stage is set for the biggest come back story of all time. The world, and I mean the entire world, is watching closely as the undisputed King of Pop, Michael Jackson, is expected at the O2 arena in London, England. Fans have donned their sparkling gloves, their hats, their leather jackets, their long hair, their black shoes with white socks. Thousands are screaming and yelling holding signs welcoming their childhood and adolescence icon back into the entertainment world, a world he has not only helped build, but a world he personified for decades.

The drums roll. The countdown begins. The lights dim. The screams grow. A figure appears in the sky to be approaching the stage. Scenes of his exit at the end of his Bucharest concert, one of the most memorable moments in live music history. Michael Jackson is approaching in much expected flair and style. The propellers land him on the stage as the fans go crazy. Everything suddenly goes dark. I'm standing front and center. Looking on as beam of light comes down on Michael as he swiftly does his trademark moves pre-music and moonwalks his way to the left of the stage. The beat begins. "THRILLER" opens the show. The crowd goes insane. People have been breathlessly waiting for this for a long time. Some are reminiscing over memories of the first time they heard the song. A couple in the back are snuggling up as they remember when they saw the video for the first time. Younger children are realizing how lucky they are to get the opportunity to see this in person. To my left, a 50 year old man, let's call him Jack, is in tears as he looks on. He did not stop crying until the end of the concert. He has waited for this for a long time. Michael Jackson is 50. The same age as this man. This concert is the soundtrack of his life. Day-by-day Michael's music has defined his life. From Rockin Robin, to Ben. From Don't Stop Til you get Enough to Thriller.

He heard Rockin Robin and ABC when he was in school. He remembered that first ride to school 44 years ago. He remembered arriving to school and learning the alphabet. He remembered his first crush in first grade. His eyes then welled up a little more as a Medley of pop hits - Don't Stop Til You Get Enough, Rock With You, and Blame it on the Boogie resonated from the powerful speakers at the O2 arena. The man remembered his teen years, his first date, his first dance, and his college graduation. He is now 21 years old. A couple of years roll through and Michael sings You Wanna Be Starting Something and Beat It. In a surprise to everyone, Paul McCartney takes the stage to sing "The Girl is Mine" with Michael. Their famous duet from Thriller. Jack burst into tears. His now 23 and remembers lip synching to this tune as he slid across the bar to meet Jane, the woman who would later become his wife.

A series of surprising duets and performances then hit the stage as guests like Slash, Janet Jackson, Will I Am, Justin Timberlake and Madonna join Michael in song. The show is everything it promises to be. For the grand finale, the stage lights up with everyone who is anyone in the music industry lined up to perform "We Are The World". The music then stops and crowd screams unaninmously for an encore. Not one to disappoint them, Michael then emerges for the encore. Once more he moonwalks and spins as he finishes off with a powerful medley of Dirty Diana, Bad, and Black or White.

A euphoric crowd is left breathless as the two hour performance has topped all expectations. Michael Jackson leaves the stage dripping in sweat after this breathtaking show. He truly personified the words of Thomas Alva Edison "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration". True genius in his show, his music and his glamor until the last minute.

Step Back!

That is the picture I've painted in my head. That is the picture I want in my head. That is what I want to remember. This is Michael Jackson for me. A musician. An artist. A humanitarian. An entertainer. A genius. Let's not forget the joy he gave us. Let's celebrate his legacy. Let's enjoy his music. Let's sing and dance and moonwalk as he would have if he were with us today.

Le Roi est mort.... Vive le roi.

This is the Michael Jackson I will remember. How will you remember him?

The Unfortunate Return of Nicholas Cage

What happens when possibly the world's most over rated actor meets one of the world's worst written scripts?

KNOWING. That's what happens. The movie starts with some promise. The best actor in the entire movie is the 9 year old girl right at the beginning of the film with everything else a disappointment. The movie is an attempt at science fiction gone really really bad.

It starts off trying to be a thriller, and fails miserably. The entire movie could have been wrapped up in a 15 minute sketch that my 5 year old cousin can write, cast, act in and direct and possibly do a better job! It then emerges that this movie is intended to be a science fiction. Oh how wrong they were. I have never seen a worst attempt at Sci-Fi! This is a genre that is so specific with such a cultured and specific audience that I would not be able to picture anyone who likes this genre enjoying this poor attempt at a movie. It leaves the audience empty (as was the cinema yesterday which should have given me an idea of how crap this was....there was the 4 of us and 2 other people in the theatre!)....

A message from me to Summit Entertainment: I WANT MY MONEY and TIME BACK!!!!!! Since you're Sci-Fi geniuses, figure out a way to do that!

To everyone else...Don't waste your time....Instead, organize a demonstration somewhere demanding that Alex Proyas (Director), Ryne Douglas Pearson and Juliet Snowden (Writers) NOT be allowed to go anywhere near Sci-Fi again!

The only bright spot is that there is no attempt (not even a disguised one) at forcing romance into the story. Although I did get a scare at one point!

*wiping the tears off my face!*

Paris Update!

Urgently wanted! Camel for Paris Hilton.

Of all the things she wants to do while she's in Dubai the two she wants to do most is learn Arabic and ride a camel, the latter, according to maktoob.com is something she's been wanting to do for a while!

So, if any of you see camel, know a camel or wish to be a camel for a day (preferably with two "humps" so as not to dislodge the skinny creature off the top, although these don't exist in Dubai) please let us know so we can make a little girl's dream come true.

Also taking applications and CV's here for Arabic teachers willing to endure 3 weeks of utter stupidity in a time wasting mundane effort to teach Paris how to say "Shukran, Salamu Aleikum and Sharmouta" among other words. Please email your CVs to:

imaflamingidiotwhowantstobangparishiltonbyteachingherarabic@parishiltonismynewbff.com

Don't forget to charge your video cameras!

Tom, Mojito and Jerry!

I had no intentions of putting many pictures of myself or people I know on this blog, but I felt that this one deserved a special merit. It goes along my pattern or reviewing places/clubs/restaurants that I go to and warning or recommending some of them. In this case, it's a warning.

After having an amazing Kebab at Leicester square, and watching some random guy flirt with my girlfriend then run away (literally) when he found out she was with me, we walked into a club called Metro. Now most of the people reading this blog are past high school so they will understand what I mean when I say when we walked in it felt like walking into a high school prom that was just starting. The place was empty save for about 10 guys and a couple of girls (all not looking a year over 15 though by law I guess they were at least 18) bumping and grinding completely out of tune. Picture yourself dancing to a smooth grooves hip hop and R&B classic like "Bump N Grind" by R. Kelly while the music playing is David Guetta's The World is Mine! That's what it looked like (maybe they had their Ipods on and I didn't notice!!)

Anyways, to add to the ambiance, they had a projector and a screen showing classic episodes of Tom and Jerry. So here I am, lounging on a sofa at the club, nursing my Mojito and watching a classic Tom and Jerry Episode...

Ad Agencies That Should be Shot!

In a time when advertising dollars (or in the case I will discuss here pounds) are at a premium, ad agencies who make blunders or create concepts that are revolting, irrelevant or ineffective should not be fired, they should be fired at repeatedly with an AK-47 resulting in sever bleeding. That blood should then be collected and sold to people who need it thus doing a good deed for those who need the blood and the money collected should be refunded to the client as some compensation for wasted dollars!

Ok, now that I've vented that a bit, please see here what I'm talking about. As I'm on the London Underground, I see an ad for a snack called Marmite Rice Cakes, a product of Unilever. The ad looks like this:

Now, if we were to assume that the intelligence of the design team that submit the above to their client was the equivalent of a gold fish that had been swimming in a large pool filled with Absinthe and that at the time of submission the agency brought a very good hypnotist with them to the meeting that happened to put the clients under and convince them this was good to go (which is the only logical explanation really), would they not notice, at least that the side that should be the right side up with the branding should be the one where "You'll Love It" and not the one where "You'll Hate It"?

I know that Marmite Rice Cakes are disgusting to begin with. And their slogan should be You'll Either Hate it Or REALLY Hate It" but it doesn't change the fact that they deserve proper representation. Johnny Cochran managed to get OJ Simpson off the hook because he represented him properly. If this was a trial, Marmite Rice Cakes would be in an orange suit getting it's mug shots taken!

These are my thoughts! Any ideas on who the agency that designed this may be?

London Nightmare

Right...So I arrive at Heathrow Airport yesterday at 6:30am thinking to myself "This is going to be a nightmare without the underground!"

How understated that was!

Since the Picadilly line from the airport isn't working, I have to take the more expensive option of the Heathrow Express to Paddington, which is fine. 15 minutes and 16.50 Pounds and i'm in Central London and sort myself out from there!

So I get out at Paddingtong and think to myself "Ok, the bus queues are crazy and cabs here are expensive so I'll just spare myself the headache and take a cab to East London. Right?"

WRONG!!!



As you can see, I'd left the queue at that stage to make this video and try to find alternative routes to my destination.

#23 bus please! 6 #23 buses in a row. All oozing with passengers falling off the side!!!! It was a scene from a bus in Nepal or India! I walk away from Paddington and find an empty #23 bus that will take me to Liverpool Street Station! FINALLY!!! And of course, it was too good to be true.. He was only going as far as Oxford Street. Anything to go away from here. I jump on the bus and get off in Oxford. It starts raining! Of course! How else would this be perfect?

The best option on buses is #15 which would take me to aldgate and from there the #135 to Commercial Road. (Not forgetting that I have to get off at Aldgate, walk to Fenchurch street to pick up the keys from Dominika who's place I'm staying at ! (Thanks Domi).... So at the end of that trip, I'm spent and just want to go back!!!!

Conclusion:

Trip from Dubai-London: 6.5 Hours in semi-comfortable Boeing 777 seat
Trip from West London to East London: 5.5 hours in various modes of transport!

Go Figure

I simply HATE Modhesh!

Some people are asking me why I hate Modhesh so much and that it's not as annoying as I say it is. Others are telling me the reason I hate it is that I'm not the target audience. According the facebook group "Death to Modhesh" at least 980 people disagree with you...

I'm
not the target audience for Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Tom and Jerry, Tony the Tiger and many more mascots and characters and so you don't
tell me I grew up with them I'm also not the target audience for
Aladdin, the Little Mermaid and Barbie but I don't cringe at the
thought of them nor do I feel like I want to rip their heads off when I
see them.

The same cannot be said about the yellow worm or the
purple abomination that is Barney. Fortunately I am not bombarded with
Barney in Dubai and it can be acceptable in small doses, but MODHESH is
out of control.

Today, my voice made it to the papers in The National, a widely read local newspaper published in English. Read quotes from my conversation with Jen Gerson by clicking here.

Anyways,
everyone's entitled to their opinion, so feel free to be a Modhesh
supporter and expect the worm to spread joy...but as far as I'm
concerned, next time I see a Modhesh walking around the streets of
Dubai, I'm getting checked for swine flu!

He's Back...

Excuse the Yellow, but it's the only appropriate color to use for this disturbing news....

He's Back.. and by He, I mean It, I mean the abomination that is Yellow and soon to be omnipresent in the city of Dubai. I mean ...... HIM

Some of you know him as Modhesh, and others believe he is the personification of all that is evil! I am one of the latter!

It's like someone decided it's not enough that citizens of Dubai have to suffer inhuman heat during the months of summer, let's add to their misery by haunting them with a creepy slinky-like creature that's constantly smiling (creepily) with a nasal voice (those who heard him speak will know and cringe at the thought) and the most inexplicably revolting jaundice (yellowness!).... Enter Modhesh!!!!

The creature celebrates his 10th birthday this year and with it comes misery and lots of pain for many of us who have to endure this presence not for a day (as normal birthdays last) but his will last just over 2 whole months this year accoring to the official Suprising Dubai website!

If you share the "love", please join us in the fight against YELLOW in our little facebook community of just under 1000 people (we had crossed that milestone once and hope to do it again! This time aiming for 2000!!!!)

Donald Trumps Al Fahim

Right....so I'm sick (as my facebook status suggests) and sitting at
home watching TV and stumble upon "The Hydra Executive" show...



now do this: Imagine yourself being impaled on the Burj Al Arab with
large fresh fish taped to your face and hands so that flocks of angry
sea gulls attack your body to feed and gnaw at your flesh in the summer
heat of Dubai with a water tap trickling far enough in front of your
mouth while you're dying of thirst but are unable to reach it because
your neck is being pulled back by your hair to which 10,000 Volts of
electricity are connected to jolt you every time you moved!



now Imagine that the above is heaven compared to watching 5 minutes of this godforsaken show!!!!!



First of all the dimwits planning the show decide, in what is no doubt
a cry for higher viewership and national pride support, to put the
teams for this season as India Vs. Pakistan. Now I don't know who's
dumber, the idiots running the show or the super smart people
sanctioning the airing (i'm talking about our friends at the PPV
network that airs this show!)



Now, if you read news, watch sports, live in the Middle East or near
India/Pakistan, have Indian or Pakistani friends, you will know that
this is a recipe for disaster! I mean, on the show these guys were
swearing at each other with so much aggression being controlled because
they're shooting for television that I can only begin to wonder what is
happening on the spectator side.



In a region where the large majority of the people living are Indian
and Pakistani, this could be a huge motivator for some serious civil
unrest! It's only the beginning. Yesterday India won and Pakistan lost
one of their team members (who's now enjoying his honeymoon)....Dr. Al
Fahim ate a Shawarma sandwich and drove his white Mercedes saying
"Let's get back to work". Now either he's a real workaholic or there
was something wrong about the line because this seen was in complete
night-time darkness....



Anyways....I can't wait to see what happens next week when I subject
myself to some more torture with Hydra Executives - The Ultimate
Torture Show for Entrepreneurs - And for anyone who dares compare this
to "The Apprentice" - I dare you to do it to my face!

I originally posted this on my facebook notes but since I referenced it in my last post, thought it appropriate to re-post here.

Paris Does Dubai

As some of you may know, Paris Hilton is set to arrive in Dubai this week for the shooting of her new show, Paris Hilton is my new BFF. Let's set aside the vanity of the show and all the blonde air headed bimboness that go with it and focus on one thing. Paris' first visit to Dubai!

In an interview with E! Paris said that she's "very excited about her first visit to Dubai" because she's "heard a lot of great things but has never been there herself". When asked what the great things are and what she knows about Dubai she said that "it's like Las Vegas. All my friends talk about it all the time and I'm very excited". She also said it's " a bit like LA". She's really excited about the trip and knows that she "will have a great time" and is "looking forward to hitting the clubs and CASINOS in Dubai because she's heard about the casinos here!

Now, I don't mean to be an ass here but my take on this:

1) LAS VEGAS? Really? I mean there is a similarity in that they're both in the desert, but that's about it!
2) Los Angeles? - in what way, please tell me!!!!!
3) When some dimwit decides to bring Paris Hilton to Dubai to do a show as vain and stupid as this, the least they could do is brief her properly before she starts talking in public about the show and visit!

(It would also help to brief the contestants that are coming here to shoot the show, that way you don't end up with 2 topless bathers in the Middle of the Intercontinental Festival City that cause the delay of shooting by three days and Dubai Police to almost cancel the show )

Anyways, I can't wait for the show to start airing..... let's see if it will be Paris Trumps Al Fahim!!!!! (After Donald Trumped him the first time...) I know that reality shows are a joke sometimes but nothing is dumber than Hydra Executives!

Etisalat's Divine Connection

It is only appropriate that for my first post here, I'm winging about a UAE Telecom provider. What's not very usual is that it's Etisalat being slain here and not that other one (who's name I shall avoid mentioning until they force me to, which should be in the next few days!) I also chose to write this post in Etisalat green to annoy some people a bit more!

Last week, I had major issues with Internet at home and Etisalat had been charging me for Dial-Up which I never use [nor do I use I-Zone for smart alec's (or Alexmcnabb's) who decide to point this out!]

Conversation went as follows:
Me: Hello, I need to change password because it seems someone knows it and is using it to Dial-Up.
Etisalat: Please follow XXXXXX Instructions

Instructions followed, attempted to change password. Message on Screen:

Sorry, Unable to change password. User Account De-activated

I relay the message to Etisalat.

Me: It says "Unable to change password. User Account De-activated".
Etisalat: Ah yes, that's because your account is inactive because you haven't paid your dial-up bill.
Me: But I'm online
Etisalat: From Home?
Me: Yes, I am at home, next to my router, on my laptop, sitting on my bed while talking to you. Would you like to know what I'm wearing?
Etisalat: That will not be necessary. I really don't know how you are online. I can see that you're disconnected
Me: Would you like me to send you an email now to show you that I'm online?
Etisalat: Maybe you're stealing the connection from your neighbors or something!
Me: NO, I'm using MY OWN CONNECTION! I may not sound like it, but I know what I'm talking about here!!!
Etisalat: I don't know what to say
Me: Explain to me how I'm online if you're saying I'm disconnected
Etisalat: I don't konw. Only God Knows
Me: WHAT? Only God Knows? Is that Etisalat's official stance on this?
Etisalat: I don't know what else to tell you.
Me: Is this phonecall recorded?
Etisalat: Yes. But I said nothing wrong.
Me: It's not about you. You did nothing wrong. In fact you did nothing at all. I just want there to be a record that a phonecall to Etisalat customer service and technical support at 6:09pm on Thursday 21st of May 2009 was concluded by ONLY GOD KNOWS!. Thank you

Thus, we reach the conclusion that Etisalat technical support team require divine intervention at times to fulfill certain inquiries!!!